Laura's Story

It all goes back to my childhood. By the time I was in 6th grade, I knew that I was overweight. Sometimes other kids would make fun of me. I couldn't keep up with the other kids when they ran laps, and in my gymnastics class I wasn't able to do a lot of the things the other girls did. Eventually I dropped out of gymnastics and dance classes because I was embarrassed to be the fat girl in those tiny little outfits they make you wear.


Then my mom and I joined a weight loss program. We had to go workout at the "place" several times a week. I call it a place because it couldn't qualify as a gym. It was the size of a standard office rental with exercise equipment scattered through out the room. There was no room for anything aerobic, just some basic 1979 type women’s equipment. This was the beginning of my experiences with diet and exercise. After several months we quit this particular program, but I continued to “diet” from that point forward.

Shortly after this first diet experience, there were a couple of years when I was anorexic, then there were a few years when I was chubby again, but I always thought I could fix it myself with starvation diets, drinking lots of water to flush out the junk that I indulged in, or some fad diet. My favorite was the cabbage soup diet. You know the one where each day you can eat as much as you want of only 1 or 2 things like bananas, etc. and you could always eat the cabbage soup. I really liked that cabbage soup…. the first few times I ate it. I’m not sure if I ever made it through an entire week of the diet. I think I may have blocked that experience from my memory.

I never felt good enough or thin enough. I felt like I always needed to diet, especially after I had eaten something indulgent. I was embarrassed to let my friends, especially boys, see me eating. At one point I started to have dizzy spells at school and had to admit to the school nurse that I wasn’t eating at all until after I got home from school each day. At 16 I gave up that practice and started to work at a local fast food restaurant. That was when I started to gain weight again. I still dieted once in a while, but I loved to eat “out” either at work, or go with friends after work to nicer restaurants. I began to indulge in all the things I thought would make me happy. Foods I couldn’t eat when I was dieting, foods that my mom wouldn’t let me have as a kid, and food that seemed decadent. It all left me with a let-down feeling. It was good food and time with friends was nice, but it didn’t fill the hole. I couldn’t make me happy for feel good about myself.

By the time I left for college, I’d given up on dieting. Then something fascinating happened to me. I tried to eat good, so that I could stay healthy and protect my heart. I was cooking for myself so I began to really pay attention to the foods that I ate and the ingredients that went into them. I found ways to cut fat from my recipes, and add vegetables. All the while I wouldn’t think about my weight at all, mostly because I didn’t have access to a scale in my dorms. I just enjoyed living my life, and tried to stay healthy. I spent time with friends finding out what they enjoyed doing. I walked almost everywhere, including the grocery store (they delivered), so I was also getting my exercise without even trying. I felt so good, and began to notice a correlation between how I felt, the activity level I was at, and the quality of the food I ate. So what happened to me? I slowly lost weight over the 3 years that I went to school there. I never thought about my weight. I never felt deprived. I had the energy to keep up with everything my friends and roommates wanted to go do. I also had a clarity of thought. I pulled good grades, enjoyed the time I had there, and never felt like I was missing out on anything. When the opportunity presented itself I would eat treats with friends, but I didn’t feel the need to pig out when they came along, because I wasn’t dieting. I enjoyed what I wanted to eat, not just eating what other people ate, and not feeling like I needed limit something if I really wanted it.

It’s been 22 years since then and I still try to eat healthy for the sake of staying healthy. I exercise to stay strong and keep my energy up. I never feel deprived regarding my food, and I am essentially the same size I was back then. I’m sure I have gained and lost weight a little along the way, and don’t get me wrong, I want to look good, I want to be thin, but I refuse to worry about my weight. I may worry about what I’m going to cook for dinner next, but I will never let dieting take control of my life again.